May 27, 1920
The first cucumbers of this season were found at a local market by one of our Salem friends on Monday of this week. The gentleman whose name we promise never to mention could hardly wait until supper was placed on the table and an opportunity was given him to store a quantity of these cucumbers away under his baseball belt.
However, during the night things began to get desperate and two of our local physicians were called in with instructions to bring with them their full-grown stomach pumps. Along about daybreak Mr. — said he imagines the State militia, the Salem fire department and the Water street band had arrived on the scene to take part in the terpsichorean exercises.
When he awakened, Tuesday morning the first thing he did was to feel his stomach to see if it was all there. He found his stomach in the proper place, also the cucumbers, which on the night before smiled so innocently at him. The young man came very near being harvested before he was ripe, and for this reason we refrain from publishing his name.